Before this post, I've written some general statements without any real detail. Most of my posts have also been how to keep someone. They've also never been gender-specific. These three things are about to change with this post. I will go into details with what I've learned over the years. This post isn't how to keep someone, it is about how to get someone because this can be the hardest part for some people. I will also split the tips between both genders. Ladies go first so here are some tips from a man's perspective.
1. Don't act entitled to things
Before anybody gets mad, this isn't me saying you don't deserve things because you do. This is me saying you don't deserve things simply because you are a woman. Guys want to do stuff for you because we want to make you happy. All were asking for is a simple thank you. You didn't earn it because you are a woman. You earned it because we like the person you are and want to be with you. However, we also want to be appreciated for the things we do for you. If I'm not shown appreciation, I feel like the girl doesn't care about me. All I'm saying is appreciate the things we do and we will like you a lot more which will make us want to ask you out and be in a relationship with you.
2. Don't act better than us
When I'm going for someone or I'm dating someone, I tend to believe that person is better than me. To the women reading this, let us guys believe that about you because we don't want you to believe it. I don't want the girl to think she's better than me because that is the quickest way to make me think the complete opposite. I want someone who is happy to have me and I want to be happy to have her. The way that works is if both are equal to each other or both people think the other one is better. If I feel like she thinks she is above me, I won't want to be with her and waste my time being mistreated.
3. Do act interested
If you want to get a guy's attention, do something simple like a smile or a laugh at something that isn't that funny. If we think you're cute and it looks like you're interested, we will most likely go after you. However, if you don't act interested and even if we are interested, we might not try on the simple fact we figure you will reject us. We need a little confidence to ask a girl out and showing that you might like us is all it takes sometimes for us to go after you.
4. Depending on the guy, make the first move
This doesn't work for every guy so be careful with this. I personally like when the girl makes the first move because it is an easy way to tell she is really into me if she is willing to do that. I want someone who is willing to show how much she likes me. However, not all men are like me and this is where observation is useful. If you can tell a guy is nervous about things, he will probably like the girl who can make the first move. If he is really confident, he will probably make the first move. It is the guy in the middle that you have to be careful about. Just watch how he acts and you can probably tell if he would want you to make the first move or he wants to do it the traditional way and make the first move.
Those four things are for the women who read this. This next list will be for the men and it is what I've learned from my experience.
1. Don't take too much time
I understand why guys wait. It because you want to make sure she says yes. However, if you wait too long, some other guy will get her. Don't call her a bitch either because it is your fault for waiting and not letting her know you like her. You have to flirt with her and let her know someway that you're interested in her. Once you feel like she will say yes and I mean the moment that you feel it, ask her out on a casual date because if you wait too long, you will be stuck in friend zone.
2. Smile
This doesn't seem that hard but most people forget it. A smile is one simple thing that can make you look like you have it together. It makes you look like you are in a positive place and you are a genuinely fun person to be around. It makes you look like the person people an have a good time with. It makes you look like a happy and fun guy and that is always a good first impression. It makes you look like the kind of guy people want to be around and all it takes is a simple smile. Just make sure it doesn't look fake.
3. Know what kind of girls will go after you
I'm not saying this in a defeatist attitude but people make first impressions within five seconds. In those five seconds a girl will decide if she likes how you look. Depending on your physical features and the clothes you wear, some girls will simply not want you. That's ok though because there are other girls out there. I'm not saying girls in different leagues. I am saying girls with different personalities. There are some types of girls who will never go after me and that's ok because I've learned what kind of girls do. You need to find out what kind of girl that is for you. Go for someone with a similar personality or a similar style because that will help you find a better match. Just don't go for someone who is exactly like you because that will get boring quick.
4. Take care of yourself
I hate saying this as it should be self-explanatory but you need to take care of yourself. You can be the nicest, funniest, most intelligent guy on the planet but if you don't take care of yourself, no girl will want to be with you. If you have bad breath, no girl will want to kiss you. If you look like a bum, no girl will want to be seen with you. Remember, to do anything better you have to start with making yourself better. More girls will notice you if you look your best. However, this isn't only about looks. I'm talking about your personality as well. Unless you look like a movie star, you need to have the best personality you can have. You need to show your best self. Work continually to make yourself better when it comes to both looks and personality.
Those are my tips on getting people. I know I sounded a little harsher with woman. I was because it is usually us guys who have to ask, so I was saying things to not make you lose a guy's interest since you already have it a little easier when it comes to finding someone. I'm not saying it with all things but with this field yes since some girls can simply use their looks because us men are superficial creatures who work better with visual stimulus.
If you liked the advice and want a question answered, comment below.
Showing posts with label How to. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How to. Show all posts
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Getting over an ex
I was looking at forums and this guy was talking about how it took him forever to get over his ex and that it still hurt to think about her. I've been like that before myself and I know plenty of other guys who are like that too. Because I know the feeling and had to teach myself how to get over it, I will give a few tips on how to get over your ex.
1. Time
Unfortunately, this is sometimes the only cure for getting over someone. Time will make it easier because you will forget how you two were as a couple. You'll forget the things that made you love them. You'll also see it isn't that bad being single. You might also realize that things were bad and they were right about the relationship needing to end. In time, you'll realize it wasn't meant to be. However, if you don't want to wait, here are some tips on how to speed up the process.
2. Hang out with friends
Being able to talk to your friends about it can relieve the pain but hanging out with them can also make you forget about the breakup. Have fun with your friends. Do things you couldn't do while in the relationship. I'm not saying do horrible things but do things you wanted to do and couldn't. Go out with your friends and talk to them about anything. The important thing here is to do things that will make you forget about them. Go to places you two didn't go. go places that don't remind you of them. Its easier to get through it with friends.
3. Make a list
Think of the things that you didn't like about your ex. Write it on a piece of paper. I'll be honest. This isn't my idea. I stole it from How I Met Your Mother but when I heard it, I thought that's a great idea and I did it since then. Thats why I'm including it here. If you ever find yourself missing your ex, look at this paper to remember why it is a good thing you two aren't together. You'll see that the thing you miss about them is nothing compared to the things you will never miss. It will help you stay strong and get over them.
4. Talk to other people
The easiest way to get over someone is by finding someone else. I'm not saying jump into another relationship right away. Start by just talking or casual flirting. It is easy to forget someone when you're thinking of someone else. If you have feelings for someone new, those feelings for your ex will go away faster. This new person might be a lot better than your ex and you'll wonder why you were ever with your ex. I'm not saying right after the breakup, date someone new but it doesn't hurt to look.
Those were a few tips on how to get over your ex. If you like the advice and want some more personalized advice, comment and ask a question below.
1. Time
Unfortunately, this is sometimes the only cure for getting over someone. Time will make it easier because you will forget how you two were as a couple. You'll forget the things that made you love them. You'll also see it isn't that bad being single. You might also realize that things were bad and they were right about the relationship needing to end. In time, you'll realize it wasn't meant to be. However, if you don't want to wait, here are some tips on how to speed up the process.
2. Hang out with friends
Being able to talk to your friends about it can relieve the pain but hanging out with them can also make you forget about the breakup. Have fun with your friends. Do things you couldn't do while in the relationship. I'm not saying do horrible things but do things you wanted to do and couldn't. Go out with your friends and talk to them about anything. The important thing here is to do things that will make you forget about them. Go to places you two didn't go. go places that don't remind you of them. Its easier to get through it with friends.
3. Make a list
Think of the things that you didn't like about your ex. Write it on a piece of paper. I'll be honest. This isn't my idea. I stole it from How I Met Your Mother but when I heard it, I thought that's a great idea and I did it since then. Thats why I'm including it here. If you ever find yourself missing your ex, look at this paper to remember why it is a good thing you two aren't together. You'll see that the thing you miss about them is nothing compared to the things you will never miss. It will help you stay strong and get over them.
4. Talk to other people
The easiest way to get over someone is by finding someone else. I'm not saying jump into another relationship right away. Start by just talking or casual flirting. It is easy to forget someone when you're thinking of someone else. If you have feelings for someone new, those feelings for your ex will go away faster. This new person might be a lot better than your ex and you'll wonder why you were ever with your ex. I'm not saying right after the breakup, date someone new but it doesn't hurt to look.
Those were a few tips on how to get over your ex. If you like the advice and want some more personalized advice, comment and ask a question below.
Monday, April 2, 2012
How to make a relationship work
I'm writing this because I see simple mistakes happen all the time in relationships. I'm not perfect in relationships myself and for the longest time I made many mistakes. However, over time through my experiences and through observation, I see why a relationship works and why they don't. For the longest time, getting the girl was easy and keeping her was hard for me. I now see it happen with friends of mine and I feel bad when they lose the girl because of a stupid mistake that could've been avoided. So for those friends and for anyone reading this blog, here is a list of a few tips to make the relationship last.
1. Be honest with each other
Honesty is the best policy is a correct saying in this case. If you are going to do something you're worried your partner will disapprove ask them or at least, let them know. Don't hide it from them or lie about it because when they find out and they will eventually find out, they will feel angry, hurt, and betrayed. One lie depending on how big it is could ruin the relationship because your partner could lose all the trust they have in you. I understand why people hide things from each other. They think if the partner doesn't know I'm doing this then it won't hurt us and the relationship will last longer. This is backwards thinking as when they do find out, you might lose them or you could've told them in the beginning and it would help build trust. For a relationship to work, there has to be trust and for there to be trust, you have to be honest.
2. Remember to put them above yourself
If you are with someone, you have to be willing to make sacrifices to make it work. There will be certain places you won't be able to go and things you won't be able to do. You have to decide they are worth it and if they truly are, it shouldn't be hard to give those things up. Remember that you chose your partner and chose to be in this relationship. If you love them, let them know not only with words but with actions and one of these actions is showing you are willing to give up things for them.You have to let them know they are more important than your old life. If they are, this one shouldn't be hard to do.
3. Treat them how they want to be treated
Forget the golden rule. Use the platinum rule in a relationship. Instead of treating them how you want to be treated, treat them how they want to be treated. They won't have all the same likes you have so your idea of fun isn't their idea of fun. You will have to do things you don't enjoy but you can persevere because remember you are with them and they are worth it. In return, they will or at least they should do the same for you and anything you like to do is usually better with them by your side. Also, certain things you're ok with aren't things they will be ok with so don't do those things. They will want to be treated a different way than you like to be treated. The general rule is if you don't know they like to be treated yet, treat them as best as you can.
4. Communication
This is a pretty simple thing to do but a lot of couples avoid it. If certain things are bothering you, speak up and let your partner know whats wrong. Don't pretend that everything is ok because then you will bottle it up and resent your partner for something they don't know bothers you. If something bothers you, let them know in a calm and civil way before you bottle it up and emotions take control. Most of the time people do something wrong, it is because they don't know what they're doing is wrong so let them know and most likely, they will stop doing that thing and it will be fixed. Also, talk about what you enjoy so they know what to do to make you happy. The main point here is to just talk to your partner and figure out ways to make it work.
Those are four of my tips for a good relationship. There is a lot of other little things but I was putting major things in this list. If you follow these simple rules, you will have longer lasting relationships. If you liked this post and want some personal advice, comment and ask a question about anything below.
1. Be honest with each other
Honesty is the best policy is a correct saying in this case. If you are going to do something you're worried your partner will disapprove ask them or at least, let them know. Don't hide it from them or lie about it because when they find out and they will eventually find out, they will feel angry, hurt, and betrayed. One lie depending on how big it is could ruin the relationship because your partner could lose all the trust they have in you. I understand why people hide things from each other. They think if the partner doesn't know I'm doing this then it won't hurt us and the relationship will last longer. This is backwards thinking as when they do find out, you might lose them or you could've told them in the beginning and it would help build trust. For a relationship to work, there has to be trust and for there to be trust, you have to be honest.
2. Remember to put them above yourself
If you are with someone, you have to be willing to make sacrifices to make it work. There will be certain places you won't be able to go and things you won't be able to do. You have to decide they are worth it and if they truly are, it shouldn't be hard to give those things up. Remember that you chose your partner and chose to be in this relationship. If you love them, let them know not only with words but with actions and one of these actions is showing you are willing to give up things for them.You have to let them know they are more important than your old life. If they are, this one shouldn't be hard to do.
3. Treat them how they want to be treated
Forget the golden rule. Use the platinum rule in a relationship. Instead of treating them how you want to be treated, treat them how they want to be treated. They won't have all the same likes you have so your idea of fun isn't their idea of fun. You will have to do things you don't enjoy but you can persevere because remember you are with them and they are worth it. In return, they will or at least they should do the same for you and anything you like to do is usually better with them by your side. Also, certain things you're ok with aren't things they will be ok with so don't do those things. They will want to be treated a different way than you like to be treated. The general rule is if you don't know they like to be treated yet, treat them as best as you can.
4. Communication
This is a pretty simple thing to do but a lot of couples avoid it. If certain things are bothering you, speak up and let your partner know whats wrong. Don't pretend that everything is ok because then you will bottle it up and resent your partner for something they don't know bothers you. If something bothers you, let them know in a calm and civil way before you bottle it up and emotions take control. Most of the time people do something wrong, it is because they don't know what they're doing is wrong so let them know and most likely, they will stop doing that thing and it will be fixed. Also, talk about what you enjoy so they know what to do to make you happy. The main point here is to just talk to your partner and figure out ways to make it work.
Those are four of my tips for a good relationship. There is a lot of other little things but I was putting major things in this list. If you follow these simple rules, you will have longer lasting relationships. If you liked this post and want some personal advice, comment and ask a question about anything below.
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